Massage as a Metaphor
I had the pleasure, some years ago, of being a 'practice patient' for a friend of a friend who was in massage school. She had to get X amount of 'hands on' practice. She talked about how the force of massage comes from the large muscles in the legs and back and shoulders and NOT the hands. If you try to use your hands to apply pressure, you end up hurting the person. Your hands have to be gentle and controlled. The force or power or pressure comes from a distant place in the body and from your large muscles. You put your whole body into it -- the whole architecture of your body, including your posture, plays a part in it. But the point of contact must be very, very gentle in order for all that power to be healing, soothing, relaxing, and helpful rather than painful or harmful.
Which is sort of how I homeschool. The point of contact with my kids is not where I want to apply pressure. I shape the environment around them so that any "pressure" they receive is firm but gentle, consistent and, as much as possible, not a source of pain. I have set them each up with their own separate desks and a ton of resources, we set goals twice a year, and so forth. But I don't do a lot of directly pressuring them to perform on a daily basis (well, except when it comes to taking out the trash!). We do not unschool. They have a written schedule, specific goals each semester, and so forth. It is just that I focus more on finding resources, making the environment conducive to learning, looking at the 'big picture' things (like long-term goals and what resources and methods might get us there) and so forth. In short, I provide the architecture.
When my kids have a problem area that is painful for them, I apply more gentleness, not more force -- which is sort of how I cured my dad's chronic back problems when I was 17. I gave him daily massages for 6 months. But, when I began, I could barely touch him because he was in so much pain and his muscles were so tight. Rather than pressing him hard, I laid my hand barely on his skin and used a 'vibrating' type motion. I had to spend some weeks getting him to start healing in the superficial muscles before I could work on the deeper muscles and, ultimately, the injured tendons that were the real source of the problem. (n the 21+ years since, his back problems have never recurred -- although they used to leave him bedridden for part of most winters when I was a child.)
So, when my kids and I are fighting about school work, I don't press them harder. Instead, I back off. I drop it until I can figure out the right approach. Sometimes that has meant for a mere 2 hours while we went to the pool. It gave them time to play and me time to think. When we got home, I had a different explanation for the math problems that Tigger had been crying over before we left. It worked. He understood it better and no more tears.
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When Kids Misbehave New!
Lessons Learned Online
My Priorities
Discipline
Redwoods and Gazelles
Quotes
2xE Links
Gifts of Another Kind
Massage as a Metaphor
On Manners
An Open Palm...
When One Door Closes...
Pack Your Sense of Humor
Pale Skin Disorder
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